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| to some of you, goodbye.
to most of you and this xanga, see you later.
to the rest of the world and this blog, hello.
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it's been a good long run on this page, I went back to read some of my first posts and I am the same in so many ways, but I also sound so different at the same time. I still am in love with Orlando Bloom, I still post about my anxiety and love for being busy (except it's clear that I have less naive enthusiasm and energy to work hard), I still like most of the same things that I did 4.5 years ago including having fun and watching movies...except I like mushrooms a little more than I did before and dislike eggplant about the same, but any other food is still a-ok. My face looks the same but just, different from more years of life. I used to be skinny and prettier, but now I don't even think I qualify as skinny (although I plan to rectify this) and am not sure what adjectives describe my face...but am either a) still confidant about how I look or b) don't want to be a girl so I rationally figure other qualities make up for any slack or c) care less or perhaps, could care less...but then I remember I'm still a girl, so that one can't be right...ha! I was better, really pretty good, at oboe, equally "bad" at math except back then I was worried about Calc, this time I was worried about Stats, the result was about the same...
It's only been recently that I've realized that high school and now even the early years of college seem like a lifetime ago. Which makes sense, because I am now in a completely different time in my life than I was back then. Although I've done a lot of growing up and chilling out my last two years at Berkeley, I really do hope that my confidence in staying true to my thoughts, beliefs, values both in regards to the world and mostly in regards to myself (since the world and hence worldviews should naturally change more widely in scope than one's self) stay the same. I just want to be me, like I always have been, consistent. But more knowledgeable about issues, how to actually do something about them and how to make myself a better person and be truly happy, since apparently the older you get, the more obvious it is that you aren't as good as you want to be and hence it seems more difficult to be at peace and happy with yourself.
I want to dive into my spiritual faith which will allow me to deepen everything experienced in my physical, human life. And so I will, or try to anyway.
Goodbye to some, see you later to most and hello to the rest.
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| Today felt like the first day of summer.
And by today, I mean yesterday...since it's 12:30am.
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| Deja vu. /
No me gu /
sta.
Speaking of which. Today I had my last scheduled undergraduate final exam. At 8:05pm I walked out, hand cramped from writing the past three hours about the globalization of rights and values. It was in 390 Hearst Mining. Almost four years ago, I walked into my first Berkeley undergraduate lecture, it was on Western Civilizations. It was in 390 Hearst Mining.
Crossing my fingers for results, but realizing that even though my immediate concerns seem so insurmountable, things will be fine. I may be disappointed, but things will be fine. I need to learn that I'm no superwoman. But, I sure can try.
Besides, there are so many more things that matter. Why do we get so caught up in our own bubbles when we know there is an endless ocean beyond? We need more action and less idle thought. The people who are even able to think outside of their own immediate wants and desires are few and far between to begin with.
Not only has my Berkeley classroom experience come full circle, but I'll get a second chance to walk. Legal Studies is 9am on Sunday. And this past Sunday was English. It was pretty much amazing to have so much of my family come up here from LA. This Sunday is for the Berkelians, so I hope to see some of you there or at lunch afterwards. I feel pretty ridiculous graduating twice, but I guess since I had exams after my first one this one will sink in more. I should be careful because greatness is a few steps away, but failure is only one step in the wrong direction. Walk carefully.
And lastly, I know where I will be teaching! I've been offered tentative placement at one of the Friendship Public Charter Schools in DC. I should be in the south part of the NE quad teaching middle school English. Go Phoenixes. Crazy, phoenixes are all about perishing and then being reborn from ones ashes.
Guess this post is about dejavu and second chances.
family....................................friends..................................little sisters............................
  
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| CJA Spring Banquet 2007 at Il Fornaio
A plethora of pictures for your enjoyment. I know it's that time of year when we all have finals and too much assigned reading, so whenever I post a ton of pictures without a ton of thoughts written out to accompany them, I say "a picture is worth a thousand words." Is it? Perhaps, since there were probably more than a thousand thoughts and a hundred thousand memories that raced through my head when I chose these pictures for this post. So, consider it your daily dose of reading for the day.
  
Freshmen are Fabulous Sophomores are Super Juniors are Jubilant
  
 
  
Congratulations to CAREYANDY, the new CJA facilitators! I have 100% faith and trust in this pair. Good luck you guys and I'm going to come back to visit so you'd better be doing an awesome job when I swing byyyy.
After-festivities ran until the sun came up. I pretty much love this picture.
And now, to my fellow SENIOR CLASS OF 2007 mates. Everyone says we're an interesting bunch because we're all so fierce in our own ways. Seriously, we are. But it's been an amazing run. Look at how far we've come and you've each touched and shaped this fellowship in more ways than you can imagine. Thank you for being there for four years, thank you for all the memories and thank you for impacting me in the ways that you all did.
Our roads may lead us down seven different paths, and it's funny how when you can hang out 24/7, you never do... But once you can't, you wish you could. Maybe it's because I came a semester late, but know sometimes seem the most MIA out of the solid seven. It's just happened that way for a lot of different reasons. Nevertheless when I am with you all, for me, it's always as if it has always been that way from the start.
 
Freshman Year - Spring 04 at Yoshi's Sophomore Year - Fall 04 at the Stinkin' Rose
 
Sophomore Year - Spring 05 at Yoshida Ya Junior Year - Fall 05 at Bluepointe
 
Junior Year - Spring 06 at Scott's Seafood Senior Year - Fall 06 at Ephesus Lounge but this is KASA Formal
We're so close. I can't wait to celebrate graduations with you all.
Junette, Dpark, Cindy, Bobby, Chang and Jenn...much love. Let's finish strong.
And to you.
We could probably have all the hours in the world to talk and talk. And talk. And never see the world the same way. But I'm probably never going to walk down Blake from your place to mine at 4 in the morning ever again. And when I look back, I know I'm going to realize that what that symbolizes, was a huge part of my life this past year.
Look at what we've done. And look how far CJA is going to go next year. We may be finished, per se, but it's still on us to keep an eye out for the group and for one another. All I have to say right now is, thanks.
AND THANK YOU CJA FOR A WONDERFUL YEAR! Ahhh, I can't believe it's almost over.
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I yam:
-excited that banquet is this Friday
-scared for after banquet due to this message that "we'll all be hungover from the previous night's festivities (right VIV? ESPECIALLY you : )"
-excited to see people at graduations
-scared about my thesis and that I won't be able to make an original contribution to academia due to my lack of skills and/or time. Research, revelation and 40 pages in 2 weeks, here we go.
-scared that I will make an F (for fail) or a C or a B in Statistics because I have studied 0 since early March for this class and have no idea what is going on anymore
-excited to move to DC
-scared to move to DC
-saddened (! ...surprise!) by the fact that there are still so many good-byes that need to be said but that I will not be able to do
At the end of the day, I know what's ultimately important. I have loved nearly every minute of this past year with all that's inside of me. I know it's not the end of the world because it really only has an impact on me and yeah, that's a pretty small world, but when you've worked (and gotten lucky) to come this far, it would be something I might regret to have blown all at the end. The next two weeks matter, a whole lot, to me. Hope I can make it through and still leave this place satisfied not only academically and with a sense that I've made some sort of teeny difference on this campus community, but also knowing that the people that have been important to me know that they've been important to me. I'm really good at dashing through chapters (of books and life) but this time it's a little weird.
It's always about balance:
Anytime up until at least May 31 From now until May 18
-hike up to the Big C -finish a quality thesis
-eat at Skates -try to make an A in Statistics
-Napa (this is 100% dispensible) -without making lower grades in Globalization and Korean
-say goodbye to campers and St. Mike's kids -think about recs
-make sure CJA and Cal LiNK are strong -organize my things and move out
-Great America
-hang out with friends from everywhere I know that are in the Bay Area
I dislike having to worry about grades. Sometimes it feels like they shouldn't matter, but they do. All I can say is that I've neglected personal studies for way too long now and it's time to seriously play hardball. But. I cannot wait for the life of me to not have to worry so much about "stupid" things such as grades when there are like 12349 other things in the world that matter infinitely more. Too bad I know that at least I won't ever soon be free from worrying about so-called achievement. The life of a teacher is probably going to be similar to that of a student. Plus I'll have mandatory courses to look forward to thanks to TFA. Hmm...let's just get through this month.
I yam also digging artichoke hearts.
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